So I’ve been thinking about PlayStation 2 for a while now. Destroyed mine back in November, couple days after the Phils beat the Rays in the actual World Series, because I got angry about losing a ball game after growing far too comfortable with winning. The attack totally blindsided me. Didn’t see it coming. One second I’m trying to control what seems like a moderate bout of anger and frustration — totally misplaced as it is — and literally the next I’m rising from my chair, striding toward the console beside the tv set, grabbing the console, smashing it against the coffee table. Repeatedly. Once I finished I felt calm and peaceful, and that was it for baseball and me. All winter I went without playing, recalling my incredibly stupid fit of destruction whenever I suffered an urge for a game. But in mid-February, when spring training came around, I started getting real hankerings.
I can’t say my anger management is better than it’s ever been, because I’ve been here before. I’ve been anger-less, or rather destructive-behaviour–less, for long periods of time, and I’ve always kind of stopped being vigilant, stopped seeing whatever shrink I was seeing, stopped worrying about anger management. Stopped being honest with myself, shut down communication lines. That’s when the destructive behaviour returns. And I never seem to expect it. Thus the risk of getting a new PlayStation. This time, though, I’ve continued my vigilance, continued seeing whatever shrink I’m seeing, continued working on anger management as a moment-to-moment thing rather than dealing with it only as or after it arises. I’ll continue to be proactive rather than reactive.
In this headspace, I’ve been thinking about that PlayStation for a while now. A few weeks ago I resisted an impulse to go out and buy it. I waited. And waited. And waited. And then last Friday, my day off, weekend before MLB opening day, I went. Now lemme back up a moment. In the weeks leading up to Friday, I’d also been pricing the system. One-twenty-nine plus tax, same as the one I’d gotten in 2006. So on Friday I went up the street to that blue-and-yellow consumer vortex, BestBuy, and discovered that the system’s price had that very day dropped twenty bucks. Sure, what’s twenty bucks. Well, hey, I’ll tell you, I’m on a tight budget. Well, no budget really, but I do have very little money to spare these days. Spending way too much on booze and dope. You didn’t read that. So I’m thinking, Cool, twenty bucks in my pocket. Just for being patient. Heh heh, when I’m done here I’ll just pop next door into the liquor store.
Anyway, a blue-shirt comes up to me and introduces himself, Dave, and assures me he’s not on commission, and I say, yeah, I didn’t think the commercials were lying, and he laughs, and I tell him why I’m there and we get into a discussion about PlayStation and baseball video games, and I discover he’s as much of a video game baseball junkie as I am, and he used to play the very game I used to play (EA Sports 2004 MLB something-or-other, the one with Manny Ramirez on the cover), and we talk about that game’s fun points and glitches and then he tells me about MLB 09 The Show, how it’s the same as the other one only waaaaay better, etc etc etc, until I tell him I’m sold. And even then, because he’s not on commission, we continue to talk about video game baseball.
As we’re going to the register to ring up the transaction, Dave asks what happened to my previous console. I pause, wondering if I should tell him the truth. Then I just say it. Anger management. He offers a knowing look and we get to the register and he says, This is what I’m gonna do for you. This warranty covers any damage your console might incur. Not including anger management, he adds with that knowing look. You just call this number on the brochure and they’ll send you a gift certificate for $109 to cover the cost of the system. I’m throwing it in at no extra charge. Now I do have to ring it in to activate it, and it’s twenty-nine ninety-nine, but what I’ll do is I won’t charge you for the game. So it’s a wash.
Well I’m overcome with gratitude. All I can do is thank him. Several times, until he says I can stop thanking him. Let me just say, Dave from BestBuy, if you’re reading this, you’re absolutely right: this game is the same as the other one only waaaaay better. Graphics, realism, play-by-play soundtrack, statistical supplements, degree of difficulty, everything. I’m using it to practise patience. And I’m getting tons of practice. Because whereas on the old game I was a star, kicking rawhide ass and winning every MVP and World Series, on this new one I can barely hit the strike zone or for that matter the ball. But I’ll practise, I’ll get better. I’ll practise. I’ll get better. It’s an ongoing process, requiring patience and honesty.
