Good evening and welcome to Channel 12 News at 6. In our top story today, a plane did not crash into the Bay of Bengal, not killing all 155 on board. According to reports, the plane made a safe and routine air crossing of the Bay during its flight from Madras to Mandalay. Said the pilot, “I’m sure glad I know how to do this, otherwise it mighta been difficult.” One passenger, wishing to remain anonymous, revealed that the in-flight meal was a choice between kidney pie and tilapia.
In our top local story, this afternoon at a west-end subway station a woman was not pushed in front of a subway train. Please be warned that this story contains graphic images and descriptions. Several witnesses claim that the woman was standing on the yellow strip, close to the edge of the platform, as the 4:12 eastbound entered the station running ninety seconds late. A witness describes the moment: "Here comes the subway, and there she is, standing right on the yellow strip, watching the subway get closer, minding her own business, and all of a sudden no one pushes her! It’s an image I’ll live with forever." The woman, who survived the ordeal, went to a nearby Emergency Department seeking a sedative. The subway crew will receive trauma counselling, including the driver, who was inches away from the windshield when the woman’s body didn’t splatter against it. No one has been apprehended and no motive has been suggested.
In gun news, several people around the city were not shot and killed today. Our voice on the street, Richard Drizzle, has more. Richard?
“Thanks, Ming-Poon, yes. In this amazing development, each individual in question apparently suffered the same fate, namely, not getting shot and killed. I’ve spoken with several of the non-victims, and each one has a different story. I’m just going to play some quotes from my tape recorder here.” (click)
VOICE (woman’s): You hear about it happening all the time and you never think it could be you.
VOICE (man’s): Used to be that you could walk these streets without worrying about not getting shot. Now when I walk these streets, I worry.
VOICE (man’s): I ride the TTC every day. All of a sudden, these last few months, all these people not getting shot on the TTC, not getting pushed in front of trains, I’m thinking maybe I’ll find another way to get around.
VOICE (woman’s): As if parents don’t have enough to worry about, now they’re constantly living in fear of the possibility of their children not getting shot at school.
“As you can hear, a lotta fear and frustration. The citizens of this city have been crying out for something to be done to make the streets unsafer. And if they don’t get what they want, this being an election year, Mayor Milker might be looking for a new job soon. Back to you, Ming-Poon.”
Thank you, Richard. God knows I’m not paid to editorialize, but what the kelly is happening to our city? Anyway, turning to sports, here’s Ratso.
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